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Binding style, childhood trauma and healing - finally become whole together

"Binding style" sounds harmless, but our style of attachment can affect our lives enormously. And our loved ones. But do not worry: here, too, is the knowledge at the beginning of the journey to a (better) better life. Here are a few hints from the trauma therapist Dami Charf (Source):

"We tend, especially in stressful situations, to make our relationship partners feel the way we used to feel as children in those situations. Even if friends think that our behavior is completely normal, our relationship partners know this better, because in relationships all the patterns that we bring back from childhood come to light. You can not get around that at all. If you are not sure what your early childhood was, how your attachment to the caregiver was, then you can simply ask your mating partner how he or she feels when you have stress together. And then you can be pretty sure that's exactly what you had as a kid. "
So much for knowledge. But what can help us if we want to get to this topic? A start can be working with beliefs. A path that can be very frustrating at first. But when we think about how much habits can be changed with small patient steps and forbearance with ourselves, then it is worthwhile trying to deal with fast judgments differently. And at every good opportunity, only then, not more often, to let go of the usual thought:

"(...) Then we should give up beliefs such as that everybody wants to treat us bad anyway, because otherwise we often behave so that the others have no choice but to treat us badly. We also need to pay more attention to the cases in which we are treated well and not let our gaze become too one-sided. "

"We have to feel the others around us. Therefore, it is important to live in the here-and-now and to really perceive its surroundings. Proximity to others is often painful at first because it reminds us of stressful situations in problematic relationships. That's why it's important to work on it. This is not fast and not easy, but it is possible to learn to love or at least accept yourself and your own quirks. And the magic of this acceptance is that suddenly the patterns relax and a choice is made how to respond to the stimuli that come from outside.

If there is an ingredient that I would recommend to anyone who embarks on this stony path, then it is humor. Really learn to laugh about yourself. If you can not laugh at yourself then you have bad cards. Sometimes you also have to cry about yourself, that's also very important. Nothing new can start if we do not allow ourselves to be sad. "

And here is the most important tool for a good life - our body, the reliable companion from the beginning to the end of life. Not up in gold, and always there, no matter how much we neglect it. He can be the best helper, if we want to carry a wave again:

"Also, do not identify with your feelings. Emotions come and go, but do not always go with them. Take it easy and avoid the drama by paying more attention to your body: breathe deeply and deeply, feel your whole body, the environment and other people around you. Your body is what always stays. He accompanies you throughout your life. If you have learned that a bit, so to really be in your body, then the feelings are grounded by the body so to speak and it can not become so dramatic anymore. Really imagine that you stay on the edge of the feeling and will not immerse yourself, will not let you suck off the emotional whirlwind.
Very important in all your attempts: Forgive yourself whenever something does not work! Forgive me, when you fall back into a hole, forgive yourself for what has happened to you, forgive your body. Learn to be nice to you, as nice and kind as you are to your best friends!

Also worth listening to is the video on the lower half of the page:

Trauma and attachment, part 2

Have a nice day!

Steff Huber

Couple and sex therapist, life coach, non-medical practitioner of psychotherapy and documentary filmmaker. More true freedom for all people is my goal, liberation the means, a life free from imaginary and self-imposed flaws my vision. No matter how unfree the circumstances may appear, because only with inner freedom can they be changed for the better.